Can you be objective about your part in difficult relationships or conversations and then challenge yourself to participate in different ways?

In coaching, the focus is about taking responsibility for yourself and your actions, not blaming others for what frustrates us. At various times, everyone has to interact with challenging people and difficult events. The goal of coaching is to increase our awareness of how to be a better contributor when those situations arise without blaming others.

I was working with a young new manager, Becky, who works in a fast-paced business. Becky and her direct report, Molly, were having a challenging time communicating and handling tight deadlines.

There were some behind the scenes one-on-one conversations between Becky’s boss and Molly, and then between Becky and her boss. Becky was frustrated with everyone because things weren’t playing out as she would have liked. She was driven to do a great job and couldn’t figure out how to get Molly on her team and perform at the level Becky expected.

We reviewed Becky’s interactions with Molly and brainstormed how Becky could set expectations in a way that would be respectful of Molly’s time and input. Becky began to have insights about her part of the conversation breakdowns.  Becky decided she would approach their interactions with more respect and positive expectations of the outcomes that Molly could produce.

Leadership Insights

Becky used coaching to express her frustration with the situation, specifically her direct report’s attitude and actions. We explored the leadership questions of “what is my part in these exchanges?” and “how can I develop my leadership abilities when managing others?” Becky chose the question, “how can I be a better boss for Molly?” for her coaching homework.  Becky saw an immediate positive response to her shift in how she approached their working relationship.